What if you suspect your husband or wife is cheating?

Do you sometimes have a feeling in your gut that there is something wrong in your relationship? That maybe, just maybe, your partner is being unfaithful? If you do, then you have a big decision to make. Luckily for you, there are several options to choose from depending on how sure you are of their infidelity.

The first option which is confronting them straight on, without wasting any time, may seem the most logical one. Some people may think that the best course of action is to tackle the problem head on, deal with the matter directly and move on.

But what if you are wrong? A head on challenge could ruin your relationship because it would highlight, rightly or wrongly, that you don’t trust your partner. After all, would you stay with someone who accuses you of having an affair?

The second option is to ignore your suspicions, assume they’re unfounded and that they always will be. That nothing is going on and continue with your life and relationship as normal.

This is the option many people take. They either avoid being confronted with the ugly truth; that their lover’s doing some extra ‘loving’ behind their backs or they fear that they are being unfair to their partners by being suspicious of them and doubtful of their devotedness. So they continue plodding along hoping that the suspicion will go away, which of course it never does.

The third option and one which surprisingly enough a lot of people don’t pick, is to do something to help eradicate your suspicions. Find out either way what’s going on, if your partner’s cheating on you or if they’re being faithful and then make a decision.

Okay, let’s assume you have a cool head and option three is the one for you. You want to find out the truth and don’t want to simply ignore your gut instinct and continue as normal. What can you do if you suspect your husband or wife is cheating? What methods of investigation, ways of discovering the facts, are there at your disposal?

The simplest way (often considered the first step), and something you might have already begun doing, is looking for obvious signs of potential cheating.

It can be small things, subtle clues like your partner smells of a fragrance, perfume or after-shave you don’t recognise. Maybe they’ve been leaving the house for work half an hour earlier than they’ve ever done before, for no apparent reason. They don’t seem to enjoy sex with you as they used to, or choose to avoid it completely whenever they can. Or like we mentioned in our previous article, “cheating in the digital age: how mobile devices make having an affair easier”, maybe they are spending a lot more time on their mobile device or hiding it when you are in the room?

Keep an eye out for these surface signs of potential infidelity as they can be tell tale clues of a bigger problem. If you suspect something then there is no harm in looking for them and recording them in your mind or on paper can be considered harmless, it’s free information there to be noticed … if only you’ll look.

After the obvious potential signs of cheating dry up, or when you feel you’re at a dead end looking for and analysing their every move then more forthright, headstrong action may be called for.

Some people, at this point, reach straight for the Yellow Pages, thumbing right to the private investigator section. That’s one option, sure, but there are plenty of other things you can do yourself before calling in a third party. Let’s have a look at two of the most obvious ones.

First, you could try setting a trap. It may sound a little primeval, like catching a wild animal, but really it’s more like a test. These tests can take many forms. For example, arrange a “trip,” say you’re going away for a couple of days to visit your folks, or friends, and use that time to keep track of some of the things your partner does.

You don’t necessarily need to sit outside in the car with a flask of coffee and a pair of binoculars 24/7, just pay attention to key times when your partner would – if you were home – do certain things, like leave the house for work, come home, etc.

You’d be surprised how many cheaters embrace these rare, private opportunities to further their affairs and indulge in some extra-marital ‘relations’.

There are also subtler ways of testing your partner’s fidelity and faithfulness. One of them’s called the ‘gossip’ test. It involves bringing up the topic of cheating using a fictional third party, such as one of your work colleagues or friends. Mention, without hinting at your suspicion of them in the slightest, that your friend (or whoever you’ve chosen to use for this test) confided in you that they’re cheating on their partner.

Most people are, to some degree or another even if it’s just to maintain conversation, interested in a little gossip, especially if it involves a subject as juicy as infidelity. But when cheaters hear the topic of cheating brought up, they tend to silently panic. A rush of nerves will sweep their consciousness and they will start to wonder: Have they been rumbled? Is this a test? Am I reacting like a non-cheater would to this kind of chat?

Keep a close watch on how YOUR partner reacts when you test them like this …it could provide a telling insight into their current state of mind, how they feel about cheating, and whether or not when you boil it right down, you can trust them to not cheat on you.

If you are interested in more ways to catch a cheating spouse, then we would recommend you check out BeatingCheating. It is a foolproof, step by step guide to uncover if your partner is cheating.

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