Did you know that you and most other guys regularly make six conversation mistakes that kill any conversation with women dead in its tracks before the conversation even starts? No? You are probably not aware of them, but let me point these mistakes out to you and tell you what you can do to avoid making them from now onward.
Here are the top five mistake guys make that jeopardise their conversations with women before they even have a chance to create attraction and one mistake which can solve them all.
Let’s face it…
If you want to create attraction in a woman… you have got to have the ability to talk to her.
You can know all the “secret attraction building techniques” in the world… but if you can’t have an actual conversation… YOU’LL GET NO WHERE….
Lets concentrate on the exact ways you’re killing your conversations with women … probably without even realising it.
Mistake #1: Breaking the 80/20 Rule When Starting a Conversation
Have you ever noticed that most conversations you have don’t pick up steam until about 5-10 minutes in?
This is because when you start talking to someone new, especially somebody you don’t know yet, they are going to be just as cold inside their heads as you were before you psyched yourself up and made yourself ready to start that conversation. In other words a conversation needs time to build what we call “conversation momentum.”
The problem most guys face is that they don’t ever give their conversations a chance to build that “momentum.”
Most guys expect to hit this “conversation flow” too quickly. And because of this the opposite happens… and their conversations just stall and run out.
Well, you have to carry the conversation. Be prepared, in the first five or so minutes, to carry the conversation by providing most, or even sometimes all of the content until they get warmed up a little bit. The 80/20 rule states that in the beginning you should do 80 percent of the talking and 20 percent of the listening (later on this will be flipped on its head when you let her do most of the talking).
How do you do that?
Well it is actually very simple: Just keep talking.
By taking control of the conversation right from the beginning, you allow her time to “warm up” and shift her brain from “receive mode” rather than “give mode.”
In future articles I’m going to show you exactly what tools you need to be able to do this… but for now, just know you HAVE be prepared to talk 90% of the time for the first 5-10 minutes of your conversations….
Mistake #2: Not Recognising the Signals a Woman is Giving You
In order to keep the conversation going and figuring out if she is warming up to you, you actually have to recognise the signals that women are giving to you. So you need to know whether you have got the right kind of emotional intensity – the right energy – and whether the topics you are talking about are actually even appropriate for this point in the conversation.
How do you do that?
Well, you use your senses. Your eyes and your ears are your best friends. You have got to watch people’s reactions and learn to be able to read them.
You have a good sense of when you are boring her, when she is excited and how she is reacting to you. You just have to make sure you pay attention.
The rule of thumb is when you first start a conversation with someone or with a group of people you want to have a little bit more energy than that group had before you came in.
If you get to recognise where she is at in terms of her energy level, her enthusiasm, her excitement, how her neurology is wired up and lit up, and you can pitch your own energy level to be just slightly above that, you will be sure to be a success wherever you go because you will not be too much and you will not be too little.
Mistake #3: Not Assuming Rapport Right From the Beginning
For the longest time I could never understand why it took so long for me to develop rapport with women… while my friends just seemed to jump right into it…
And then it hit me…
I was waiting for some sort of rapport or connection to happen naturally… whereas some of the slicker guys I knew were just assuming that the rapport was already there in the first place.
When you are talking to a woman, even if it’s your first time talking to her… talk to her in the same laid back way you would talk to an old friend.
Most guys do the complete opposite… they talk to a woman in a “stiff, formal” way reserved for strangers. Talking like that just makes it more apparent that you are a STRANGER. And this puts her guard up. That in turn this creates that uncomfortable “awkwardness” that is devastating to a conversation.
By jumping right into rapport you create a far more natural feeling conversation and give her the feeling that she has known you forever.
Mistake #4: Going into “Interview Mode”
I have and I know you’ve experienced it too. You are talking to a woman and it just feels like you’re taking part in a job interview.
This is what I like to call the dreaded “interview mode.”
This happens when you don’t know really what to talk about so to keep the conversation going you ask questions like:
- What do you do for a living?
- What do you do for fun?
- Where did you grow up?
- What kind of music do you like?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the questions themselves that kill you… it is the incessant, rapid firing of question after question… and the steady stream of fact based answers that destroy any sort of “chemistry.”
A conversation is supposed to be fun, vibing back and forth… it’s not supposed to feel like a job interview.
Mistake #5: Letting her “Lead” your Conversation
Most guys are so unsure of themselves when talking to a woman that they look for the woman to give them “approval” or “permission” before they take any lead in the conversation. And this is DEAD wrong.
The minute a woman realises you’re looking to her to lead the conversation… her attraction instantly disappears.
Most guys let the woman lead the conversation because they are scared of “pissing her off” or choosing the wrong topic…
But here is the thing…
Most women will follow whatever tone you set for the conversation. If you set a fun, flirty vibe… she will most likely follow.
And even if she isn’t interested in the topic you’ve chosen to discuss… she’ll still respect you a lot more for taking the initiative.
Mistake #6: The Biggest Mistake
The mistakes we talked about above are 5 big ones, but do you want to know what the biggest mistake is that men make in regard to their conversations with women? The biggest mistake men make is: not getting help.
Would you believe that 10 years ago it was nearly impossible to find this sort of information on improving your conversations with women? This meant that guys were forced to either clumsily struggle on forever, figure it out on their own or watch what other guys were doing and try to copy that. Often with disastrous results.
However, you have no excuse… as there is a ton of help available today. Help that can change your “game” almost overnight.
Even though it has been close to five years since I last struggled with this… I still know the pain you feel… I had felt it for more than two-thirds of my life. And I don’t wish that pain on anyone.
Now, I know that anytime, anywhere I can go out and talk to women and create attraction.
This is what fuelled me to create a program about this. I went out and asked 5 of the guys I know who are the absolute best at talking to women… to join me on this program and to help create that change in you – a lot quicker than it took me.
It’s jam packed with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for creating the right mindset for talking to a woman, getting “in the zone”, making her laugh, creating rapport, keeping a conversation flowing naturally, overcoming “shit tests”, dealing with guys who might be overshadowing you, and most importantly, creating attraction as you talk to her…
This is arguably the most comprehensive “conversation training” you will ever receive. There is no way you can listen to this program and not come away with at least a dozen tips that will change the way you communicate with women … nearly immediately.
If you want to find out more I would advise you to check out “Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy” and learn how to instantly generate attraction through the way you talk to women.